received this and two hats from my Aunt Annie. To her credit and history the only person on the planet that has pushed me in a baby stroller.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Returning gifts
June 5, 2011,
it has been six days, and I had to stop to add those since I have been laid off. Surprisingly it did not take me that long to readjust from nights to days. I've gotten back into my dictation program for a few e-mails with this is the first morning that I felt like recording more than a few e-mails. I dictate now hesitantly realizing that I'm probably getting too much thought to what my next words will be instead of trusting that they will be what they should be.
In the days to come now that I have some time I need to have my eyes examined because I believe that they are getting weaker even though they still serve me well I can tell. Still continuing with my exercising, but have lagged a bit, eating habits, reminding me of former habits that have contributed to my poor health. Three days ago one day after being laid off I realized how very healthy I did feel and how very strong I feel. It was a nice change from hearing so many aches and pains that friends and relatives seem to point out. It occurred to me that I had nothing to complain about in the way of health and that everything was well.
This reminded me of when I first came Morro Bay and remember the feeling and experience the feeling once again of happiness. This is been twice within the past four years that while here in Morro Bay I have had remembrances in the reoccurrence of feelings that have lain dormant in seemingly had been gone from my life. Thinking romantically this morning without giving structure to this thought I'm hopeful that there are other feelings that have lain dormant in seemingly gone from me that will avail themselves. This goes with my probably romantic thought that everything that we need is there we just have to have patience to wait for it to come to us. The more that we try to pursue what we feel that we need probably as pursuing what we want and therefore is seemingly difficult to obtain.
It is much better for me when I do not look to the screen to try to correct what I'm saying with this dictation program. The problem that I have been watching the screen is that I spent a lot of time in corrections and by a lot of time i mean my impatience in spending any time at all in correcting for what I was trying to write and in this medium say.
There is also a radio playing in the background and I'm not sure if perhaps that's not interfering of if it is my southern accent which is not the most in clarity unless forced to be so. Again the thought of forcing something does not set well with me but then I think that force can be equated with motivation and when it comes to self-motivation a certain amount of force required or you do not move in the direction's that your mind might think you need to move in. My mind this morning is moving me to make a trip to Tucson, which I will probably do within the next two days.
It does feel good to resume recording thoughts once again and reminding myself and bringing to my attention where I am at this time on my path or trail journey or whatever term people use to identify with existence. The song just came on which is telling a story about Mexican horse thieves. It has a bit of a haunting melody and probably telling a great story of some Mexican horse thief. I may get up and turn off the radio because my mind does go to music and I believe most people's minds do go to music.
In the past few days I have wondered if my desire or ability if you can call it an ability to write and hopefully to create had left me. This is not the first time that I have felt this feeling and I'm always grateful when the ability if that is what this is, or the desire, or need to express returns. Perhaps it is from loneliness and my thoughts this morning at not having anyone that would have that much time to devote to my seemingly endless supply of stories, philosophies, and curiosities. I am rechecking the screen as our record but not as I do record and what I just noticed when I checked the previous Was the Combination of Stories Philosophies, and Curiosities. My thought was that would make a good title and may indeed be the title to the poem or more extended thought since I for some reason have not written as much poetry as I have in the years to this time.
I have expressed to myself and others that I believe that poetry was the quickest way for me to get to my emotions in keeping with my ability and probably inherent trait of guilt. I then blame myself for being too lazy in the expression of what I was thinking, and perhaps misleadingly thought that if I wrote more details of my feelings that they would be more clear or more understood. I'm reminded of when I first began reading the King James version of the Bible at how humbled I was that such short to the point sentences not even poetry could relay an idea. My ego was high because I could write poetry but not necessarily for what I had to say through that poetry. It could be that when I reread my poetry that is why it is like reading it for the first time. When the thoughts came to me as a gift I didn't understand what I was writing, more importantly I did not feel what I was writing. The novelty it seems of rereading old writings especially poetry but not to exclude any other writings is that whatever the messages were that were there were not being received by me but they were being related by me if for no other purpose than for me to read years and years later when I finally get it, get the point or points. Funny way to look at it as if leaving notes for myself ahead of time. But the notes come from somewhere else and that somewhere else is life.
it has been six days, and I had to stop to add those since I have been laid off. Surprisingly it did not take me that long to readjust from nights to days. I've gotten back into my dictation program for a few e-mails with this is the first morning that I felt like recording more than a few e-mails. I dictate now hesitantly realizing that I'm probably getting too much thought to what my next words will be instead of trusting that they will be what they should be.
In the days to come now that I have some time I need to have my eyes examined because I believe that they are getting weaker even though they still serve me well I can tell. Still continuing with my exercising, but have lagged a bit, eating habits, reminding me of former habits that have contributed to my poor health. Three days ago one day after being laid off I realized how very healthy I did feel and how very strong I feel. It was a nice change from hearing so many aches and pains that friends and relatives seem to point out. It occurred to me that I had nothing to complain about in the way of health and that everything was well.
This reminded me of when I first came Morro Bay and remember the feeling and experience the feeling once again of happiness. This is been twice within the past four years that while here in Morro Bay I have had remembrances in the reoccurrence of feelings that have lain dormant in seemingly had been gone from my life. Thinking romantically this morning without giving structure to this thought I'm hopeful that there are other feelings that have lain dormant in seemingly gone from me that will avail themselves. This goes with my probably romantic thought that everything that we need is there we just have to have patience to wait for it to come to us. The more that we try to pursue what we feel that we need probably as pursuing what we want and therefore is seemingly difficult to obtain.
It is much better for me when I do not look to the screen to try to correct what I'm saying with this dictation program. The problem that I have been watching the screen is that I spent a lot of time in corrections and by a lot of time i mean my impatience in spending any time at all in correcting for what I was trying to write and in this medium say.
There is also a radio playing in the background and I'm not sure if perhaps that's not interfering of if it is my southern accent which is not the most in clarity unless forced to be so. Again the thought of forcing something does not set well with me but then I think that force can be equated with motivation and when it comes to self-motivation a certain amount of force required or you do not move in the direction's that your mind might think you need to move in. My mind this morning is moving me to make a trip to Tucson, which I will probably do within the next two days.
It does feel good to resume recording thoughts once again and reminding myself and bringing to my attention where I am at this time on my path or trail journey or whatever term people use to identify with existence. The song just came on which is telling a story about Mexican horse thieves. It has a bit of a haunting melody and probably telling a great story of some Mexican horse thief. I may get up and turn off the radio because my mind does go to music and I believe most people's minds do go to music.
In the past few days I have wondered if my desire or ability if you can call it an ability to write and hopefully to create had left me. This is not the first time that I have felt this feeling and I'm always grateful when the ability if that is what this is, or the desire, or need to express returns. Perhaps it is from loneliness and my thoughts this morning at not having anyone that would have that much time to devote to my seemingly endless supply of stories, philosophies, and curiosities. I am rechecking the screen as our record but not as I do record and what I just noticed when I checked the previous Was the Combination of Stories Philosophies, and Curiosities. My thought was that would make a good title and may indeed be the title to the poem or more extended thought since I for some reason have not written as much poetry as I have in the years to this time.
I have expressed to myself and others that I believe that poetry was the quickest way for me to get to my emotions in keeping with my ability and probably inherent trait of guilt. I then blame myself for being too lazy in the expression of what I was thinking, and perhaps misleadingly thought that if I wrote more details of my feelings that they would be more clear or more understood. I'm reminded of when I first began reading the King James version of the Bible at how humbled I was that such short to the point sentences not even poetry could relay an idea. My ego was high because I could write poetry but not necessarily for what I had to say through that poetry. It could be that when I reread my poetry that is why it is like reading it for the first time. When the thoughts came to me as a gift I didn't understand what I was writing, more importantly I did not feel what I was writing. The novelty it seems of rereading old writings especially poetry but not to exclude any other writings is that whatever the messages were that were there were not being received by me but they were being related by me if for no other purpose than for me to read years and years later when I finally get it, get the point or points. Funny way to look at it as if leaving notes for myself ahead of time. But the notes come from somewhere else and that somewhere else is life.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Back to the blog
Talking to myself once again with this dictation program, and had been utilizing it quite a bit. My current personal project is to record my writings and put them on a CD for my son for my daughter and for whoever else might be interested. It has been a good project for me and it is always fun to go back in time and see how the past relates to the future and sometimes doesn't change that much. I should say relates to the present but suspect that the future may have more of the same.
I'm also attempting to organize the files on my computer and reining in my helter-skelter system better nonexistent system for accessing various projects to include pictures, Photoshop files, audio files, and in general most of the files associated with whitebloomsaudio.com.It occurred to me that if someone were to request one of the three CDs that I have available I would be hard-pressed to find the artwork and audio to put those together to send. Never having been a marketer or business man, and not really thinking about selling anything. The CDs were done mostly for my entertainment, and some good friends and family have purchased a few. It has been quite an education for me to work in the Photoshop as well as learning various recording techniques. Still consider myself a novice at both, but when necessity dictates I'm able to pick up enough to suit my needs. It also helps to have a dear friend who is borderline genius and the Photoshop. My thanks always to Cynthia
I will try to allow more time to devote to this particular type of writing, because it is yet another recording of what's going on in this rapidly moving life.
Continuing with my efforts to better health and my saying is that I want to get healthy before I die. Still having good success with that and very thankful to have gotten past some extremely poor habits. My swimming now has increased to about a mile every other day, and I'm consistently walking 3 miles every other day. It really has not been that difficult, and was just a matter of going in a different direction, and obviously much better direction for my health. It has wreaked havoc on the blood pressure medicines that I had been taking and that has been a constant source of readjustment in seeking the point where the medication would actually be a help and not a hindrance.
Doing well overall, and recently changed the fork seals,on the motorcycle. It wasn't very pretty but managed to hang the motorcycle partially from the top of the garage. Actually stroked my ego, n my ingenuity in figuring that one out, and will attach a photo to remind my ego that it really wasn't that pretty.
I've been hiking to Sabino Canyon when I can and blood pressure allows. The last time I was in was very difficult for me to get out because of weakness. Feeling stronger and better now, but the weather is turning and the rattlesnakes are moving. Rattlesnakes will increase your pace on a hike, but did not want to move that fast.
This is my lazy day, but have things that I need to accomplish so will call this an attempt and hope that whoever is reading this is in good health and having an enjoyable day.
I'm also attempting to organize the files on my computer and reining in my helter-skelter system better nonexistent system for accessing various projects to include pictures, Photoshop files, audio files, and in general most of the files associated with whitebloomsaudio.com.It occurred to me that if someone were to request one of the three CDs that I have available I would be hard-pressed to find the artwork and audio to put those together to send. Never having been a marketer or business man, and not really thinking about selling anything. The CDs were done mostly for my entertainment, and some good friends and family have purchased a few. It has been quite an education for me to work in the Photoshop as well as learning various recording techniques. Still consider myself a novice at both, but when necessity dictates I'm able to pick up enough to suit my needs. It also helps to have a dear friend who is borderline genius and the Photoshop. My thanks always to Cynthia
I will try to allow more time to devote to this particular type of writing, because it is yet another recording of what's going on in this rapidly moving life.
Continuing with my efforts to better health and my saying is that I want to get healthy before I die. Still having good success with that and very thankful to have gotten past some extremely poor habits. My swimming now has increased to about a mile every other day, and I'm consistently walking 3 miles every other day. It really has not been that difficult, and was just a matter of going in a different direction, and obviously much better direction for my health. It has wreaked havoc on the blood pressure medicines that I had been taking and that has been a constant source of readjustment in seeking the point where the medication would actually be a help and not a hindrance.
I've been hiking to Sabino Canyon when I can and blood pressure allows. The last time I was in was very difficult for me to get out because of weakness. Feeling stronger and better now, but the weather is turning and the rattlesnakes are moving. Rattlesnakes will increase your pace on a hike, but did not want to move that fast.
This is my lazy day, but have things that I need to accomplish so will call this an attempt and hope that whoever is reading this is in good health and having an enjoyable day.
Monday, February 7, 2011
super chips and dips day
Celebrated my 63rd birthday two days ago, and had a very good day. I went swimming and for symbolism was going to do 63 laps, but for reality 60 was enough for me. It was a good day and I received calls from family and friends and that is always a good day.
I recently returned from a brief visit to the Central Coast and had an absolutely fantastic time as I always seem to have when in that area. This was the first train ride I had taken since the late 70s, and it was a very good ride on Amtrak. Total cost for the round-trip was $128 from Tucson to San Luis Obispo. Pretty amazing low cost and since Amtrak has a 62-year-old age designation for seniors it was even less. Not sure but I believe it is like 10%.
The trip out was much smoother than the trip back, and I was not able to sleep as well returning. Then on the day that I did leave a left at 1130 at night I had swam 60 laps and walked 3 miles in hopes of tiring myself out so that I would sleep. There was a four hour layover in Los Angeles, and I arrived in San Luis Obispo the following afternoon where my friend Cynthia picked me up. A lot of my time was spent at the beach in Grover as well as Pismo, and did make a trip down to Morro Bay enjoying myself there as always. I will attach a video that I took from the top of black hill. Black Hill is an extinct volcano in the chain of volcanoes, seven sisters that extends from Morro Bay toward San Luis Obispo.
I will be going over to visit my son and grandson and his girlfriend and her family for the Super Bowl, but I'm certain I will not stay to watch all of the game. Trying not to be a fuddy-duddy on the subject, so will refrain the comments about the extravagance of this particular day. I'm certain if it was a celebration of my birthday I would not be as critical but since it is alleged professional sport seems a bit over the top. Guess I didn't refrain my comments all that well.
I haven't been as diligent in my Journal 2011 dictation, but at least have maintained some semblance of recording my thoughts even when there's not anything earth shattering going on in my life. Having had my share of earth shattering experiences I'm not complaining.
Recently was able to set up my older laptop to be able to utilize the internet connection with my other lap top. Geek stuff but you would think that I had figured rocket reentry for Nasa.
February 7
I did not finish this entry from yesterday and of course have lost my train of thought for this particular blog. Losing trains is not that uncommon for me. At least I did find the one to and from Central Coast and as I said sure did enjoy my visit there. I'll attach a few videos to this entry and then write some of my grandson that I call G-man who I was able to spend some time with yesterday.
I recently returned from a brief visit to the Central Coast and had an absolutely fantastic time as I always seem to have when in that area. This was the first train ride I had taken since the late 70s, and it was a very good ride on Amtrak. Total cost for the round-trip was $128 from Tucson to San Luis Obispo. Pretty amazing low cost and since Amtrak has a 62-year-old age designation for seniors it was even less. Not sure but I believe it is like 10%.
The trip out was much smoother than the trip back, and I was not able to sleep as well returning. Then on the day that I did leave a left at 1130 at night I had swam 60 laps and walked 3 miles in hopes of tiring myself out so that I would sleep. There was a four hour layover in Los Angeles, and I arrived in San Luis Obispo the following afternoon where my friend Cynthia picked me up. A lot of my time was spent at the beach in Grover as well as Pismo, and did make a trip down to Morro Bay enjoying myself there as always. I will attach a video that I took from the top of black hill. Black Hill is an extinct volcano in the chain of volcanoes, seven sisters that extends from Morro Bay toward San Luis Obispo.
I will be going over to visit my son and grandson and his girlfriend and her family for the Super Bowl, but I'm certain I will not stay to watch all of the game. Trying not to be a fuddy-duddy on the subject, so will refrain the comments about the extravagance of this particular day. I'm certain if it was a celebration of my birthday I would not be as critical but since it is alleged professional sport seems a bit over the top. Guess I didn't refrain my comments all that well.
I haven't been as diligent in my Journal 2011 dictation, but at least have maintained some semblance of recording my thoughts even when there's not anything earth shattering going on in my life. Having had my share of earth shattering experiences I'm not complaining.
Recently was able to set up my older laptop to be able to utilize the internet connection with my other lap top. Geek stuff but you would think that I had figured rocket reentry for Nasa.
February 7
I did not finish this entry from yesterday and of course have lost my train of thought for this particular blog. Losing trains is not that uncommon for me. At least I did find the one to and from Central Coast and as I said sure did enjoy my visit there. I'll attach a few videos to this entry and then write some of my grandson that I call G-man who I was able to spend some time with yesterday.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Reminder of why I appreciate being warm.
The following is an excerpt from a writing that I have yet to publish but I'm currently organizing for that purpose. With the cold weather that a lot of people are experiencing, myself included although currently in Arizona I was reminded of an experience in my life that makes me appreciate the comfort of a warm home and my grandmother's quilts.
I had been walking from San Diego starting on the first day of the year 1980. I thought I was good at hitchhiking till this trip and after a day on the road had only made it to Gila Bend AZ. It was cold and I walked through the most of the first night out of San Diego. A friend had given me a ride to the highway. I had been staying with this friend but felt that I was imposing and wanted to get back to Texas, Houston to be specific because I felt that I belonged there. I had left with a large suitcase and summer type clothing since it is not that cold in San Diego. By the first night in Gila Bend I was miserable and could not get warm. I checked for missions or shelters but could not find one so continued to walked through the night. I had not slept and by approaching night fall of the second day on the road I had only managed to get a ride to Lordsburg New Mexico. I could go no further and when I walked under an over pass just outside of Lordsburg I decided to spend the night there. The following hours seemed long as I tried to get into the large suitcase I had with me. I had no money , and no warm clothing and didn’t sleep through that horrible night. At first light I was shivering as I stumbled down to the highway to try to continue my trip to Houston. I had just gotten down to the road side when a man in a pick up truck stopped. He opened the door and asked if I had spent the night under that bridge and in stammering speech I said yes sir I did. He said what are you doing out here and I replied trying to get my ass back to Texas where I think I belong. He then asked if I drank and I said yes and he said reach under the seat and get yourself a shot of whiskey. I did but was still shivering. He then asked if I smoked and I said yes. He said get yourself a pack of cigarettes off the dash . This man then introduced himself to me. I forget his name after all these years but he told me he was the sheriff of Lordsburg and was on his way into work. He said he would drop me off at a good exit and go into town to do some paper work. He then said when he was finished he would return to see if I had gotten a ride and if I had good luck to me and if I had not he would take me to town for breakfast. Then he asked how does that sound. It sounded very good to me and I thanked him very much for his kindness and got out of the truck at the exit still shaking but starting to warm up with the whiskey and the sun. On the way the radio said it had been 25 degrees that night in Lordsburg. I waited for no more than five minutes when a car with two brothers and a friend of theirs stopped to give me a ride. They were going through Houston and would take me the entire way there. I thought often of that sheriff and his kindness and how he could have taken me to jail for vagrancy but instead showed the compassion that he did. Years later I tried to contact him through the Lordsburg chamber of commerce and did get a letter off to him, or who they said was the sheriff during that time. I never received a reply and that is not important but will always hope that he did get my letter of thanks from those many years past when he lifted me instead of putting me down.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
excerpt from dictation to personal journal today
The following is a portion of some dictation that I did earlier, as in a few minutes ago and thought that I would post it here.
I always seem to preach about being honest and open and not hiding behind walls, and reminding myself of the biblical parable about not casting stones. I have my own walls, although I feel, they are more transparent then some and easy to see through. I do acknowledge an interlayer, a personal vault, that even I do not acknowledge and am protective of. Hopefully a day will come, when I can reveal if only to myself what is behind the not so transparent wall within myself. The analogy of the wall is a good one, and seems to be popular or at least to me in this day and age of new age thinking.
It is a bit arrogant of us, which should be no surprise, that we could actually put the label of new age on thinking that has been prevalent for such a very old time. Hunger calls, but I'm learning to ignore the call at least at times and do what I want to do instead of obediently going to the icebox or the cupboard to answer that call. My son and others know my story of eating toothpaste from hunger on an operation in Vietnam where we were cut off from supplies for several days. I had just eaten a few bites of toothpaste and still had the container in my hand when our resupply helicopters arrived. I'm not sure if it was on purpose or by accident but as I was standing there I saw a carton of C rations fall out of a helicopter. The on purpose would've come from the helicopters being in a hurry to get out of pretty dangerous location. All of Vietnam in the Marine Corps at least, was a dangerous location. The DMZ being the most dangerous of all. Years later my thinking was if I had only waited from 5 to 10 more minutes I would not have had the experience of eating toothpaste, but sometimes even the blink of an eye in time can make a difference in our experiences and as we get older what becomes our personal stories.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
work search my least favorite endeavor
I have been expressing to friends and family that when I work it is to buy time for myself so that I might enjoy the things that I enjoy doing without being restricted to a scheduled work routine. This idea started for me about two years ago when I decided to take off two weeks to just do what I wanted to do instead of immediately search for work and continue with what I had been doing for the majority of my life.
My thinking was that I would write, ride my motorcycle, go fishing, visit with friends, read, swim, and just do what I wanted to do. It did not take very long for me to realize that I was not used to not having work and structure and that within three or four days even though I did have the freedom to do what I chose to do I found myself restless and moderately confused with what to do with my time. There was a period of adjustment in which I started a website and converted a book of poetry that I had written titled Words and Feelings into an audio cd. During this time that I had allowed myself this project took up quite a bit of my time, but it was a freedom that I came to really enjoy.
There came a time where I realized that I needed to balance my life and not have it all leaning to one side or the other. I continued to seek that balance and I am much closer ,or would like to feel that I am much closer now than I was when I cut the tether to the structured daily work routine. I truly do now work to afford time for myself and have come to enjoy that time very much no matter what I'm doing. Throughout my life I have written poetry, prose, short stories, journals, and recordings of some of my life experiences. Part of my time now is spent trying to organize and edit those writings, but I tend to get distracted from that by living and enjoying my life each day.
In addition to this blog, I have started a daily Journal which so far I am being fairly consistent at. Fairly consistent being at least every other day. Just recording my thoughts at this time in my life and what is going on in my life. This has been my way of staying in touch with myself for many years, and will remain my way of keeping the connection.
Almost always it is within my thoughts when I write these journals or blogs or whatever term you wish to use to say hello and how are you, and hope that you are having a good day. Those comments are not so much directed to me but to whoever might read whatever it is that I am recording. We do not know when we express ourselves in this form who might someday come across the writings of a fellow human being and their interpretation and observations of life from their perspective. I have been very fortunate to have many life experiences which have given me my own view of life, myself, and of fellow human beings.
I am currently seeking employment to buy myself some more time, but realize that the inventory of time is limited for me as it is for us all. Enjoy your time, and enjoy time for yourself , your family and your friends , and even people that you pass along the way, who are all a part of this life and your life.
My thinking was that I would write, ride my motorcycle, go fishing, visit with friends, read, swim, and just do what I wanted to do. It did not take very long for me to realize that I was not used to not having work and structure and that within three or four days even though I did have the freedom to do what I chose to do I found myself restless and moderately confused with what to do with my time. There was a period of adjustment in which I started a website and converted a book of poetry that I had written titled Words and Feelings into an audio cd. During this time that I had allowed myself this project took up quite a bit of my time, but it was a freedom that I came to really enjoy.
There came a time where I realized that I needed to balance my life and not have it all leaning to one side or the other. I continued to seek that balance and I am much closer ,or would like to feel that I am much closer now than I was when I cut the tether to the structured daily work routine. I truly do now work to afford time for myself and have come to enjoy that time very much no matter what I'm doing. Throughout my life I have written poetry, prose, short stories, journals, and recordings of some of my life experiences. Part of my time now is spent trying to organize and edit those writings, but I tend to get distracted from that by living and enjoying my life each day.
In addition to this blog, I have started a daily Journal which so far I am being fairly consistent at. Fairly consistent being at least every other day. Just recording my thoughts at this time in my life and what is going on in my life. This has been my way of staying in touch with myself for many years, and will remain my way of keeping the connection.
Almost always it is within my thoughts when I write these journals or blogs or whatever term you wish to use to say hello and how are you, and hope that you are having a good day. Those comments are not so much directed to me but to whoever might read whatever it is that I am recording. We do not know when we express ourselves in this form who might someday come across the writings of a fellow human being and their interpretation and observations of life from their perspective. I have been very fortunate to have many life experiences which have given me my own view of life, myself, and of fellow human beings.
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