attempt at organization

I wrote the following within the last three years, and somewhere in my records there is a dated copy of this. Since the exact date is of little or no consequence I will go copy and paste this particular writing. The idea in the form of a thought came to me one day and I postponed exploring the thought for about two weeks. The thought seemed to be perhaps a self prophecy that indeed one day will be filled, but because of the title/thought/idea, it seemed more imminent. Usually when an idea will persist I will follow through and see what is behind it. Oftentimes, actually more times and not, not knowing what might be there. I was pleasantly surprised with the outcome that follows.The thought and title of this writing is my day is done my time has come.

My day is done my time has come is a thought that came to me  and  I wondered if it was my time to leave.

 Now  I  ask  that question  as I have asked myself so many questions in the past.

I don’t know when my time will come and I do not know that this will be the day,

but just in case goodbye to the ones I  have touched and that  have touched me along the way.

Without you in my life it would not have been a life, just thoughts with no embrace,

feelings of love with no one to give  love to.

Thank you for letting me in your heart and for coming inside of mine.

Thank you for loving me for this short time.

I will stay as long as I can and until it is time to go I will hold you close to my heart and soul.

I will remember that you cared and that you helped me when I felt broken and you wouldn’t let me go.

You were my friend, and I was yours,  we laughed and we cried, we spent what time we were allowed together, now that time has passed my day is done, my time has come.

The thought comes back, it has stayed with me.

Maybe it is my time to leave.

No one knows when our time will end, the blink of an eye, then eternity begins.

I will see you  when your day is done  love will never end.

Don’t cry , try not to be sad, remember that we loved one another in the time we had, and nothing can take that away

 Love was the light in the dark, the smile on our face,the warmth in our hearts, the laughs in our days.

My day is done , my time has come, but that is not for me to say, but just in case, goodbye to the ones I love and that have loved me along the way.

Yesterday I walked for approximately 5 miles in Sabino Canyon here in Tucson, the video and a few pictures are from that walk.I'm currently rounding up my writings from 1968 to present and getting them into some sort of a recognizable outline and collection. My purpose is to give a copy to my son and to my daughter. Organization not being one of my strong points, I'm working toward becoming better at that and staying more focused on the task at hand. Since this task has been delegated to me by my own hand, I will be flexible and forgiving and not too concerned about self-imposed time pressure. This of course leaves the door open to lack of focus, but it seems that this life for me and I suspect for others as well.

 

Reading Writing and Ramblings

I recently ordered and received the autobiography of Mark Twain and have started to read the forward which seems to take up a lot of space in this production. It is interesting but given it is by and about such an advanced writer I am sure no one would expect  no less than that. From the little I have gleaned from what I have read I have felt a bond with not only Mark Twain but anyone who has ventured to expose what they feel emotionally through the maze of self preservation tactics to express themselves and make that expression available to others.

Not many more days until the 25th and the traditions dutifully carried on at this time of the year. Reminds me of a Steve Martin bit where he says if he had one Christmas wish it would be for the children of the world and basically for their comfort and safety . He then goes on to expand his wishes to several and as an after thought includes the original wish after wishing wealth and power for himself. Funny bit and the parallel to me is that perhaps at one time Christmas was a thought for peace and comfort and joy but has been diluted by sales and fads and crowds of less then joyful folks in the pursuit of tradition that seems so watered down as to not have the taste it once did and more of a plastic taste from the recent visit I made to Toys are us. I was there to find something for my grandson who I call G man .In that warehouse of plenty I found some nurf balls in miniature for him to throw at my son and whatever is in his range.

Hopeful as always the spirit of Christmas will fill me and understand that will come from the love given and received which seems to be more focused at this time of year. Always the question of why not very day of every year for the limited time we are here.

Still playing with filters in the photoshop software and thanks to Cynthia the computer wiz gal converted the ornaments in the last posting to this version. Merry Christmas, Merry as much as you can be in the crowds and stress of finding gifts to continue the tradition of   being merry this time of year.

writing a story

In 1978 I had an adventure with the daughter of a friend of mine at that time. I was 29 years old and my friends daughter was eight. I had friends living in Tucson Arizona and I was in Houston Texas, and thought it would be a good idea to hitchhike with my friends daughter to visit friends in Tucson. At the encouragement of a friend of mine I have begun to write about this experience. I did record the experience in writing and gave it to my traveling companion. I've since written to her by e-mail asking if she would send a copy, and although she said that she would I have lost communication with her and never received a copy. It was many years ago but the experience was such a positive one that I am certain I can remember enough of the story to recall and convey that particular trip.

I've had the good fortune to have recorded a lot in writing beginning in 1968 from Vietnam. As I get older by the minute it is nice to look back and to be able to read what I was thinking and what was going on pretty much from that time until present day. Hopefully I will reconnect with my traveling companion and obtain a copy of that original writing to help with the memories of that trip. For now however I will continue writing that story and hope to complete it soon. My original intentions were to finish the writing of Whiteblooms, but I have found as an old Persian poet once wrote, I start off in one direction and end up going somewhere completely different. This  has been the way for me in that I will be determined to write of a specific idea, and another will take precedence and replace my predetermined destination.

Yesterday I placed a few decorations on the front of the house. When my son was younger he and I would make a new decoration each year, and display at Christmas time. Still deciding whether or not to put up the outside lights, but it pretty much decided on not putting up a tree this year. Looking forward to spending time with my son and grandson, and will be guarded against the well-known holiday blues. There is a poem that I wrote called Borderline Blues, which I believe I wrote one Christmas Eve a few years ago.

12/24/01

How are you doing with the Christmas Blues?

How are you doing with the Christmas blues?

I asked myself this question and wondered if you might ask this question too.

I thought of Christmas’s past but they are all gone.

I thought of Christmas futures,but they are yet to come.

Christmas is now or at least this Christmas Eve,

and I give thanks for what I have and for what I believe.

Merry Christmas and I hope you don’t feel alone or blue,

Merry Christmas and remember to rejoice for the love God has for you.

turns out borderline blues was a completely different writing but the one I had in mind is the one above. The verses below I wrote several years ago as well and usually send that out in an e-mail, but not every year, so thought I would post it here for this year.

 Christmas the Gift is love

Another year almost complete, the hard times where they belong in the past.

Years go by slow till they end, and they always end to fast.

A celebration always at this time of year.

The same people who struggled with doubts and some with fear,

now can smile and speak of good cheer.

Thank God for getting us here again to share our love with one another.

Christmas, don't forget to love and share your gift with those who may need what only you have to give.

The gift is love, so let it glow don't keep it hid.

Idealism or hope has been present in me for some time and in spite of 62 years of reality still rely heavily upon both.

acceptance that there is not enough time

Water leak has kept me occupied along with other household chores and I've not taken the time to continue with this journal or my writing. Taking that time this morning to do both as well as continue with yard work and health work. The health work is my newfound interest in preserving or at least attempting to preserve this body a little longer. For the most of my life I have ignored my health and assumed that I was eternal. Have no idea how I came to that conclusion other than youth and the lack of foresight. My youth is gone, replaced by an awareness that my time is limited. Not  a pessimistic mood, but one of more awareness of my limited time.

This recently brought to my attention in the form of high blood pressure and high pulse rate. For the first time I actually physic ally felt that I might possibly be close to a  heart attack. When I recognized the fear within me of that possibility, my thought was one of defiance rather than fear. My conscientious thought was if is it is time for me to have a heart attack so be it, and I would rather die defiantly and resigned to that possibility rather than to die in fear. It was not my time to have a heart attack, and thankful for that. As it turned out I pushed myself until I could not push any further, lay down for three hours and woke up feeling much better.

All of this concern for my health where there was seemingly none before is new to me. This life has been and continues to be a source of constant new experience and a profound appreciation for being here for the short time that I feel I have been here. Not willing to go any sooner than I need to so will be going to the doctor tomorrow to hash over what's been going on and accept any recommendations that might help.

Since May of this year as of today I have lost 67 pounds and in so doing with doctors and pharmacists approval stopped taking four heart medicines that I had been taking for at least 12 years. I am still obese, but working daily with exercise and better eating habits to be in the best shape I can possibly be before I die whenever that time might come. Feeling very well this morning and thankful as I have been for many years now to be a part of the process. Thankful for my friends and family, and their continued love and support.

Much that I would like to do today but realize that I will not get it all done, but will enjoy doing what I can and enjoying the day.
http://www.youtube.com/user/baobabs48
The link is to some  video that my friend Cynthia took on our day trip to Monterry.

preparing for the cold

Just climbed down from the roof where I was covering the cooler to help trap heat in the house. The guess for the low tonight is 23°. I'm reminded of the night that I spent in Lordsburg New Mexico under an overpass with no coat, and what I was wearing when It left San Diego hitchhiking for Texas. That was the last time that I hitchhiked, and a big turning point for me just getting through that night. it was 25° that night in the desert. I realized that being cold and hungry and homeless was not the direction I wanted to go. The Sheriff of Lordsburg picked me up when I staggered down, shivering to the road. That is another story in itself, and will be included in the book that I am currently writing. Needless to say I am appreciative of the warm house having had the extreme in the other direction.the sheriff of Lordsburg at that time was a generous and gracious human being that many years after that experience I wrote and thanked him.

Still have some things to do to winterize the house, and posting this blog is not one of them. That said and my guilty conscience screaming at me I will close for now and perhaps come back later in the day.I've traveled under this overpass to and from Texas many times since that day, and always without fail honk the horn when I go by. I stopped on a trip back from Texas and took this picture. It was then that I realized how remote that overpass really was. There were no houses or structures around for as far as I can see in any direction. Stuck in the middle of nowhere at that time, but not  now.

plumber by necessity

My wondering is over as to why my water bill was high when I was not here to utilize water. This afternoon on going about my chores, specifically to mow the side of the house I noticed a small oasis near my back bedroom wall. An oasis in the desert would normally be something to be appreciated, but not when the oasis is caused by a leak in the house waterline. I turned off the water, dug up the pipe which fortunately was only six or so inches down, did my mowing, and then went for a walk to mull it over. Did about 2 miles of mulling, and tomorrow morning will hopefully repair or replace the pipe. I will gather resources from the Internet, and head for the Home Depot for parts for patches.


It's been a good day, in spite of the leak, and my guilt from Thanksgiving dinner and the leftovers today has been minimum. Getting back to my exercising, and will be swimming tomorrow and looking forward to that. Had a very pleasant Thanksgiving, good food, family, and friends. Plenty to be thankful for

. Still learning the software for this site, and in the meantime have listed myself as a follower of myself. Perhaps I will soon catch up with myself. When I learned how to delete my following of myself I will do so.

Thanksgiving

                                                Thanksgiving

visions of pilgrims and a lot of dead birds, it's that time to give thanks if you haven't heard.

All of your problems will be smothered in dressing abundant and bare tables there will be many blessings.

The spirit of Thanksgiving, if they could only last, it's idealistic, unrealistic, the feeling will pass.

It's Thanksgiving now, so wave your drumsticks high.

Cranberry sauce, salads, vegetables, and lots of pies.

I wrote the above poem around Thanksgiving of 1978. 

Monterey, train ride, and back to the desert

It was a friends suggestion that started me to record this Journal of sorts, and as I told my friend"when things are going well for me I'm too busy enjoying my life to stop to take time to write". My friends reply and the valid point was that I should be recording my thoughts not only what I'm trying to find a meaning in my life and troubled, but also when things are going well. Recently my friend and I took a day trip to the Monterey aquarium, and it was a wonderful day in spite of my sidetracks on occasion. Turns out you can get misplaced even with GPS. This is fun for me because to go from point a to point B without some occasional exploring the points on the way seems to be restricting and a limitation.

The following is a link to YouTube were my friend compiled some of the many pictures that she took that day.  I took a few and will include them in this entry. Thinking I had put fresh batteries in my camera that had been charged from the rechargeable device, I had actually put in nonrechargeable semi dead batteries. My camera would labor under the strain of not enough power and begrudgingly give me a photo when it seemed it was ready, but never when I was.



The Monterey aquarium is truly an educational site filled, good experience. To my few friends who said that I would really enjoy it, you were right and so thankful that you've taken the time to know my likes and dislikes. Then anyone that did not enjoy that aquarium would be an extremely small percentage. We drove back down Highway 1 from Monterey with the intention of oooing and aweing at the scenery that is always there. It was always there, but was veiled in the fog. There was also one small stretch of highway that was under construction. It was just before we arrived at the spot that my friend asked me if I knew about the section of highway that had fallen off into the ocean in years past.

The following day I returned to swimming my laps in the heated pool available to me at the RV park I had been staying in since 1 September. I have frequented this Park in the past and always enjoy being there and reuniting with friends in the area. I feel very much at home in this area. The park also has a very nice hot tub as seen in an earlier post. I had a good day, and have recently commented that I have had quite a succession of good days after regaining my strength and health.

At 645 the day after I boarded the train in San Luis Obispo headed to San Diego to visit my daughter and son-in-law. That particular ride is a little over eight hours, and friends had told me it would be a long trip. It seemed like the trip did not last long enough and I really did enjoy the ride. My visit with my daughter and son-in-law was love, and more love, and although I do not see them often, it is always such a treat for me to spend any time at all them. I had told another friend that just to sit at a table with my daughter and see her smile was worth any amount of time and distance for me.

My daughter took me to the train station for my return in a very good downpour, and at noon I was aboard the train and headed for San Luis. I had upgraded for both rides to the business class and and glad that I did. There was more legroom, and they served snacks . Enjoyed two glasses of red wine and the sunset just south of Santa Barbara where we have stopped to allow the southbound train to pass.

When I arrived in San Luis there was a light rain falling as I walked the two blocks to my truck. When I was inside of my truck it began to rain very hard and I headed to Morro Bay. I knew that I would have the following day to enjoy my friends and surroundings, and then I would be returning to my home in Tucson. I have been busy enjoying my life, and now have the luxury of recording some of the past few days experiences, all of which have been fun, and fortunate.

I had dinner with friends the night before I was to leave, and tried not to think about the possibility of not returning, but that thought did cross my mind. Monday morning I was awake at 330 and as I always do wondering why. I prepaired the inside and the outside of my trailer and by eight o'clock was pulling away for the 700 miles to Tucson. I stopped in Oxnard to visit a good friend who met me at the Shell service station off freeway. He brought me a pound of homemade pork sausage, and more importantly his good friendship, and taking the time to drive out to say hello.

14 hours later I was approximately 60 miles from Tucson when I became too sleepy to continue. I pulled over in a parking lot full of 18 wheelers, got under some of my grandmother's quilts and slept for about four hours. It was about 430, when did arrive in Tucson. I've since seen my son and grandson, and have been getting resettled here. This morning I purchased an annual pass for the heated pool, lap pool provided by the city Parks and Recreation. Reunited with a friend of mine leaving just as I was arriving, and had this large pool to myself for about 30 min. The water felt good and I enjoyed my swim

It is my hope within the coming month to complete my book titled White Blooms. Today I have spent some time editing what I've already written and look forward to if not completing getting as close as I can for the time but I am allotting myself barring anything that would prevent me from accomplishing the completing of this writing. Feeling very rested, and strong, and thankful for the recuperative powers of the body when given the advantage of self-help.


My thanks to my friend Cynthia for teaching me how to upload photos easily,and for sharing the photos and memories that she had of our trip.

train ride to be

This is the train / bus station in San Luis Obispo CA.
I was there yesterday to pick up tickets for a trip I will be making this Friday morning to San Diego.I will be visiting my daughter and son in law and law or not would want my daughters husband as a son.

Traveled up to Cayucos to say hello and good bye to some friends there and inquired about places for sale in the area. Looking forward to perhaps moving to this area if that were to be in the format. Not sure ever of the format and have come to enjoy and go with what is. What is has been very good for me since my health returned.

Hopeful to keep thanks in the front and not forget how fragile we are and how being here is a gift and one to be opened and appreciated with each breath or blink of an eye because the happening of either is not forever.

Listening more to music now and doubt I will ever get my ipod organized and perfect but from the songs I have listened to this morning at random it seems to need little organization.I'll also began reading again , specifically Delicious Laughter by Rumi. Downloaded some titles by Mark Twain to my kindle this morning, and was surprised that they were all free. Since the price was right I picked up about four titles, and will have those available for a train ride. I generally look out windows on trips, and always appreciate seeing new places as well as places I've seen.

Busy day today, but busy in a fun way.
The picture of the hay bales is on the way into Morro Bay coming from San Luis

Harmony

 The picture is of the wedding chapel at Harmony CA. I was there today and saw parts of Harmony I have not seen including a stage and a gazebo. Great drive up the coast on 1 and made it to ragged point. Sunshine, song, and a good friend.

Verse and more verse

War  talk by men who have been in war is always interesting; whereas moon talk by a poet who has not been in the moon is likely to be dull.

Quote by Mark Twain from life on the Mississippi

Continuing in good health and continuing thankfulness for the body coming back around with a little self-help then the luxury of time to heal. 

will be going on the train ride next Friday and the ride is about eight hours. Looking forward to the views and to being a passenger instead of being the driver.

very windy here in Morro Bay, and enjoy the sound of the wind moving pine branches.

This picture is of a fire looking south that Morro rock. I took this picture yesterday in the early afternoon.

enjoying good health

I had a great day yesterday, and was surprised by well wishes for Veterans Day. It would've gone unnoticed by me had it not been brought to my attention. There was a time where I did not accept the thanks that I would receive, and would feel awkward when they were given to me by friends as well the strangers who knew that I was a veteran. Talk to some friends by phone, enjoyed the hot tub, swam 50 laps, and started lifting my  weights. The automated voice in my scales as of yesterday said that I had lost 61 pounds. When I first started losing weight, my joke was that my losing 10 pounds was equivalent to a barnacle  fallen off of a whale.

Looking forward to going for a walk this morning, I will try for 2 miles. There is property that I want look at that I walk by. I will try to get some information about retiring in Morro Bay. That seems to be more and more the possibility, and I'm hopeful some day, that might be  part of the seemingly short time that I have to be here.

Continue to be thankful for the good health, good friends, and just to be here on this quiet Friday morning.
The picture this one taken recently on the side of the road that I walk.

humming at laundry

relaxing and getting some chores out of the way. Took this picture outside the laundry window  not clear there is a redheaded Hummingbird on the feeder to the right.


The hummingbirds seem to wait in the tree line when I'm standing poised with my camera. The signal for them to feed seems to be when I put the camera down.

Continuing to enjoy my time off, and continuing to feel better every day. Last night I had my first prepared tofu meal, and enjoyed it. Had some wine to go with that , and the company of a good friend.


Still learning my new camera on my upgraded phone, and the various features that I have yet to discover. Headed for the pool and spa soon, and looking forward to a good day.

sunny morning, hot water

Having a good day, and now have back my dictation program as well as my sound editing program. Both companies that I purchased from were very helpful in helping me to retrieve serial numbers. Resuming my exercising, although the picture doesn't look like I am exerting much energy. I did manage 42 laps in the pool, and I'm back to lifting my 10 pound weights.

overheard two men talking when I was on the way to the pool, and one man said I think I have it figured out. I had to laugh at the times I've come to that same illusionary place in life. Good to feel the my health is returning .

software blues

Had a good day yesterday in spite of the software problems I tried  unsuccessfully to resolve. Unable to utilise my dictation  program so with loin cloth and club in hand am typing to continue this blog. Not sure of the origin of blog, and believe there should be another name to describe this self analysis and reaching out to whoever might need some reading material on a personal level.

 Feeling much better since  I have been resting. The spa and pool are on my list every day for relaxation and exercise and recently allowed myself to lay in the sun by the pool after spaing and exercising. Felt good to allow myself the time to just lay and feel warm, and not hurried for the next task which for the most part was getting my computer back to where it was before I improved it. We live and learn it is said and I say we live and learn and forget. 

Wrote some verse two days ago:

We are here again,

We have been here before.

Can tell by the smiles on our faces,

from the love and the light within,

We have been here before,

but it is all new.

Not certain what is behind the curtain,

Unafraid either way.

Hopeful that you are unafraid either way and look for the whiteblooms in your life and yourself today

healing

Working on getting my dictation program activated for the second time. Switched to #7 and had to re install all programs. Gives me something to do while recuperating  from the recent work I have done here in CA. Started this blog at the suggestion of a friend and will give this a try and she was right I am writing about what is going on now in my life and my perception of life at this time. 

I will be posting my writings, and photo's and thoughts . Thanks to my friend for her suggestion.