acceptance that there is not enough time

Water leak has kept me occupied along with other household chores and I've not taken the time to continue with this journal or my writing. Taking that time this morning to do both as well as continue with yard work and health work. The health work is my newfound interest in preserving or at least attempting to preserve this body a little longer. For the most of my life I have ignored my health and assumed that I was eternal. Have no idea how I came to that conclusion other than youth and the lack of foresight. My youth is gone, replaced by an awareness that my time is limited. Not  a pessimistic mood, but one of more awareness of my limited time.

This recently brought to my attention in the form of high blood pressure and high pulse rate. For the first time I actually physic ally felt that I might possibly be close to a  heart attack. When I recognized the fear within me of that possibility, my thought was one of defiance rather than fear. My conscientious thought was if is it is time for me to have a heart attack so be it, and I would rather die defiantly and resigned to that possibility rather than to die in fear. It was not my time to have a heart attack, and thankful for that. As it turned out I pushed myself until I could not push any further, lay down for three hours and woke up feeling much better.

All of this concern for my health where there was seemingly none before is new to me. This life has been and continues to be a source of constant new experience and a profound appreciation for being here for the short time that I feel I have been here. Not willing to go any sooner than I need to so will be going to the doctor tomorrow to hash over what's been going on and accept any recommendations that might help.

Since May of this year as of today I have lost 67 pounds and in so doing with doctors and pharmacists approval stopped taking four heart medicines that I had been taking for at least 12 years. I am still obese, but working daily with exercise and better eating habits to be in the best shape I can possibly be before I die whenever that time might come. Feeling very well this morning and thankful as I have been for many years now to be a part of the process. Thankful for my friends and family, and their continued love and support.

Much that I would like to do today but realize that I will not get it all done, but will enjoy doing what I can and enjoying the day.
http://www.youtube.com/user/baobabs48
The link is to some  video that my friend Cynthia took on our day trip to Monterry.