attempt at organization

I wrote the following within the last three years, and somewhere in my records there is a dated copy of this. Since the exact date is of little or no consequence I will go copy and paste this particular writing. The idea in the form of a thought came to me one day and I postponed exploring the thought for about two weeks. The thought seemed to be perhaps a self prophecy that indeed one day will be filled, but because of the title/thought/idea, it seemed more imminent. Usually when an idea will persist I will follow through and see what is behind it. Oftentimes, actually more times and not, not knowing what might be there. I was pleasantly surprised with the outcome that follows.The thought and title of this writing is my day is done my time has come.

My day is done my time has come is a thought that came to me  and  I wondered if it was my time to leave.

 Now  I  ask  that question  as I have asked myself so many questions in the past.

I don’t know when my time will come and I do not know that this will be the day,

but just in case goodbye to the ones I  have touched and that  have touched me along the way.

Without you in my life it would not have been a life, just thoughts with no embrace,

feelings of love with no one to give  love to.

Thank you for letting me in your heart and for coming inside of mine.

Thank you for loving me for this short time.

I will stay as long as I can and until it is time to go I will hold you close to my heart and soul.

I will remember that you cared and that you helped me when I felt broken and you wouldn’t let me go.

You were my friend, and I was yours,  we laughed and we cried, we spent what time we were allowed together, now that time has passed my day is done, my time has come.

The thought comes back, it has stayed with me.

Maybe it is my time to leave.

No one knows when our time will end, the blink of an eye, then eternity begins.

I will see you  when your day is done  love will never end.

Don’t cry , try not to be sad, remember that we loved one another in the time we had, and nothing can take that away

 Love was the light in the dark, the smile on our face,the warmth in our hearts, the laughs in our days.

My day is done , my time has come, but that is not for me to say, but just in case, goodbye to the ones I love and that have loved me along the way.

Yesterday I walked for approximately 5 miles in Sabino Canyon here in Tucson, the video and a few pictures are from that walk.I'm currently rounding up my writings from 1968 to present and getting them into some sort of a recognizable outline and collection. My purpose is to give a copy to my son and to my daughter. Organization not being one of my strong points, I'm working toward becoming better at that and staying more focused on the task at hand. Since this task has been delegated to me by my own hand, I will be flexible and forgiving and not too concerned about self-imposed time pressure. This of course leaves the door open to lack of focus, but it seems that this life for me and I suspect for others as well.

 

Reading Writing and Ramblings

I recently ordered and received the autobiography of Mark Twain and have started to read the forward which seems to take up a lot of space in this production. It is interesting but given it is by and about such an advanced writer I am sure no one would expect  no less than that. From the little I have gleaned from what I have read I have felt a bond with not only Mark Twain but anyone who has ventured to expose what they feel emotionally through the maze of self preservation tactics to express themselves and make that expression available to others.

Not many more days until the 25th and the traditions dutifully carried on at this time of the year. Reminds me of a Steve Martin bit where he says if he had one Christmas wish it would be for the children of the world and basically for their comfort and safety . He then goes on to expand his wishes to several and as an after thought includes the original wish after wishing wealth and power for himself. Funny bit and the parallel to me is that perhaps at one time Christmas was a thought for peace and comfort and joy but has been diluted by sales and fads and crowds of less then joyful folks in the pursuit of tradition that seems so watered down as to not have the taste it once did and more of a plastic taste from the recent visit I made to Toys are us. I was there to find something for my grandson who I call G man .In that warehouse of plenty I found some nurf balls in miniature for him to throw at my son and whatever is in his range.

Hopeful as always the spirit of Christmas will fill me and understand that will come from the love given and received which seems to be more focused at this time of year. Always the question of why not very day of every year for the limited time we are here.

Still playing with filters in the photoshop software and thanks to Cynthia the computer wiz gal converted the ornaments in the last posting to this version. Merry Christmas, Merry as much as you can be in the crowds and stress of finding gifts to continue the tradition of   being merry this time of year.

writing a story

In 1978 I had an adventure with the daughter of a friend of mine at that time. I was 29 years old and my friends daughter was eight. I had friends living in Tucson Arizona and I was in Houston Texas, and thought it would be a good idea to hitchhike with my friends daughter to visit friends in Tucson. At the encouragement of a friend of mine I have begun to write about this experience. I did record the experience in writing and gave it to my traveling companion. I've since written to her by e-mail asking if she would send a copy, and although she said that she would I have lost communication with her and never received a copy. It was many years ago but the experience was such a positive one that I am certain I can remember enough of the story to recall and convey that particular trip.

I've had the good fortune to have recorded a lot in writing beginning in 1968 from Vietnam. As I get older by the minute it is nice to look back and to be able to read what I was thinking and what was going on pretty much from that time until present day. Hopefully I will reconnect with my traveling companion and obtain a copy of that original writing to help with the memories of that trip. For now however I will continue writing that story and hope to complete it soon. My original intentions were to finish the writing of Whiteblooms, but I have found as an old Persian poet once wrote, I start off in one direction and end up going somewhere completely different. This  has been the way for me in that I will be determined to write of a specific idea, and another will take precedence and replace my predetermined destination.

Yesterday I placed a few decorations on the front of the house. When my son was younger he and I would make a new decoration each year, and display at Christmas time. Still deciding whether or not to put up the outside lights, but it pretty much decided on not putting up a tree this year. Looking forward to spending time with my son and grandson, and will be guarded against the well-known holiday blues. There is a poem that I wrote called Borderline Blues, which I believe I wrote one Christmas Eve a few years ago.

12/24/01

How are you doing with the Christmas Blues?

How are you doing with the Christmas blues?

I asked myself this question and wondered if you might ask this question too.

I thought of Christmas’s past but they are all gone.

I thought of Christmas futures,but they are yet to come.

Christmas is now or at least this Christmas Eve,

and I give thanks for what I have and for what I believe.

Merry Christmas and I hope you don’t feel alone or blue,

Merry Christmas and remember to rejoice for the love God has for you.

turns out borderline blues was a completely different writing but the one I had in mind is the one above. The verses below I wrote several years ago as well and usually send that out in an e-mail, but not every year, so thought I would post it here for this year.

 Christmas the Gift is love

Another year almost complete, the hard times where they belong in the past.

Years go by slow till they end, and they always end to fast.

A celebration always at this time of year.

The same people who struggled with doubts and some with fear,

now can smile and speak of good cheer.

Thank God for getting us here again to share our love with one another.

Christmas, don't forget to love and share your gift with those who may need what only you have to give.

The gift is love, so let it glow don't keep it hid.

Idealism or hope has been present in me for some time and in spite of 62 years of reality still rely heavily upon both.

acceptance that there is not enough time

Water leak has kept me occupied along with other household chores and I've not taken the time to continue with this journal or my writing. Taking that time this morning to do both as well as continue with yard work and health work. The health work is my newfound interest in preserving or at least attempting to preserve this body a little longer. For the most of my life I have ignored my health and assumed that I was eternal. Have no idea how I came to that conclusion other than youth and the lack of foresight. My youth is gone, replaced by an awareness that my time is limited. Not  a pessimistic mood, but one of more awareness of my limited time.

This recently brought to my attention in the form of high blood pressure and high pulse rate. For the first time I actually physic ally felt that I might possibly be close to a  heart attack. When I recognized the fear within me of that possibility, my thought was one of defiance rather than fear. My conscientious thought was if is it is time for me to have a heart attack so be it, and I would rather die defiantly and resigned to that possibility rather than to die in fear. It was not my time to have a heart attack, and thankful for that. As it turned out I pushed myself until I could not push any further, lay down for three hours and woke up feeling much better.

All of this concern for my health where there was seemingly none before is new to me. This life has been and continues to be a source of constant new experience and a profound appreciation for being here for the short time that I feel I have been here. Not willing to go any sooner than I need to so will be going to the doctor tomorrow to hash over what's been going on and accept any recommendations that might help.

Since May of this year as of today I have lost 67 pounds and in so doing with doctors and pharmacists approval stopped taking four heart medicines that I had been taking for at least 12 years. I am still obese, but working daily with exercise and better eating habits to be in the best shape I can possibly be before I die whenever that time might come. Feeling very well this morning and thankful as I have been for many years now to be a part of the process. Thankful for my friends and family, and their continued love and support.

Much that I would like to do today but realize that I will not get it all done, but will enjoy doing what I can and enjoying the day.
http://www.youtube.com/user/baobabs48
The link is to some  video that my friend Cynthia took on our day trip to Monterry.