July 19, 2011
in 1969 I was in the United States Marine Corps and was instructing summer reservists at the base in San Diego. It was my duty to instruct a group mostly from New York that consisted of professional people who opted to fulfill their military service in the reserve. The class that I instructed was radio communications. My class consisted of men who would probably never need radio communications in a military sense.
When I would give a test to my class it was always multiple-choice, and when giving the test verbally I would ask the question and then say the possible answers usually designated as a through C or D. I would read an answer for example as a, which you think about it is really not that good choice, or perhaps b, or c which is a good possibility always putting emphasis and voice inflection on the correct answer.
This group of men were smart enough to never get 100% correct and even though they always knew the correct answer would intentionally throw in a few incorrect answers. At the end of this class I was called to come to the commanding officers office and commended for having the highest class average to ever go through the school. I accepted the acknowledgment of my teaching skills with a straight face.
At one time during the class I took and unauthorized trip to Texas and my class covered for me attending class every day for the time that I was gone. My plan was to be back at a certain time, but was literally bumped from the plane as I was seated on the plane because I was flying standby. Militarily speaking I was AWOL for about two days until I could return to the base. It was during this time that my students covered for me attending class regularly as if I were there.
When I returned I was met by a noncommissioned officer while walking to the class one day. This man told me that he knew that I was AWOL but that he could not prove it. He just wanted me to know that he knew, but nothing more was mentioned by him or anyone else.
I developed quite a good relationship with this class and we spent a lot of time off base going to clubs and even once to a go kart track. On one of our outings to Mickey Finns in San Diego the men that were with me convinced the waitresses that it was not only my birthday, but that I was a professor of psychology at San Diego State University. The waitresses actually got on stage and sang happy birthday to me and I believe pretty much every one of the waitresses gave me a birthday kiss. By the time we left Mickey Finns at closing time we had drank quite a bit of beer, and I had managed a date with one of the waitresses for the next evening.
We were returning to base when at the same time I noticed either an arm or a leg, I honestly cannot remember which hanging out the back window of my vehicle which was a 68 run runner I had purchased after returning from Vietnam I also noticed the police car with its lights flashing behind me. I pulled over and got out of the car, and was asked for my drivers license.
In 1969 the old method of passing a sobriety test in the field was how your drunkenness was determined. I cannot remember the sequence of the tests, but believe there were about four total. After each test which I completed successfully my obviously drunken students would cheer, whistle, and shout encouragement for my successful efforts. Much like in a movie I would make a motion with my hand trying to get them not to do that. It had no effect whatsoever on them and they continued to cheer me on after each phase of the test.
After I had walked heel to toe, touched my nose with both hands, I decided that I would impress this policeman with my ability to speak clearly and enunciate so that he could truly see I was in complete control of my faculties. I said officer, but before I could continue this young policeman looked up at me and said Billy you are ahead now son, don't blow it. He obviously knew what I was going to attempt, and I never said another word.
The last part of the test was with my feet placed together closing my eyes and bending over backwards as far as I could. I successfully did that although it produced a very bad headache almost instantly. My cheerleaders applauded, whistled, and said way to go big bill. The officer said Billy, I know that you're drunk, but I can't prove it so if you promise to take these drunks and yourself directly back to the base I'm only going to give you a warning ticket, how does that sound? I said that sounded very good, was given the warning ticket and took my students and myself straight to the base which is where we were heading anyway.
The next day I called the waitress and told her that I was not a psychology professor, but only an instructor in the Marine Corps and certainly would understand if she did not want to go out with me. We did go out on a date anyway, and I'll never know if she really believed those drunks in the first place.
I related the story, because I always thought it was rather neat to have had a cheer leading section for a sobriety test.
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